Boys & Sex

Boys & Sex

Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity

Book - 2020
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j
jaglowgla82
Nov 23, 2020

Great book! I think every parent who is raising boys to men need to read this. In this book Orenstein, interviews different boys and talk from everything from how boys do talk in the locker room to what they believe sex is like. I think what I enjoyed about this book as well was, her interviewing of trans boys. Thank you for representing everyone in this book

w
WritingChick65
Aug 26, 2020

I think this is a book everyone should read, but especially parents of boys. Peggy Orenstein interviews a selection of high school and college age boys and young men and what they have to say is both shocking and profound. We do our young men a disservice by subscribing to and perpetrating the North American definition of "masculinity". By not making it acceptable for young men to express themselves and their feelings, we stunt their emotional growth. More than that, by not having honest, heart to heart discussions about relationships, we rob them of the opportunity to form meaningful relationships instead of resorting to "hook ups". We need to teach young men about respect for women and what consent really means. We need to break down toxic "jock culture", which many young men find repulsive but which they participate in because it's expected and it's "what guys do". Orenstein's interviews and the resultant revelations by the young men who confide in her definitely give the reader plenty to think about.

a
AaronAardvark1940
May 31, 2020

Every parent of boys and of girls should read this book. Orenstein is great talking about girls in her many previous books and brings her ability to talk to young people into full play here. I am astonished as to how open these young men were with her.

u
Uncfred
Mar 03, 2020

An interesting read and very thought provoking. Maybe I'm naive -- I'm a high school educator in a big suburban high school and I wonder if the "hookup culture" is as pervasive as described here. Also, many of the quotations she's included just don't sound like the kinds of young men I cross paths with -- so many of her interviewees are so thoughtful and articulate that I wonder if they're real. I found especially interesting the content dealing with boys and porn; I'm old enough to remember when it was hard to find much in the way of porn and of course now it's widely and freely available online, making it so much more a part of the adolescent experience. Well worth reading, and be aware that the author includes some explicit language in her quotes of the boys (she doesn't write "f*ck" but rather drops the F-bomb and other terms that some may find repellent).

r
renee37
Feb 21, 2020

I feel that the Boys and Sex book is very different than the Girls and Sex book in regards to the data collection methodology: interviews, conversations, and other qualitative communication. Although the author addresses that she felt the boys may not have been as candid as the girls were with her, she felt that some boys were merely confessional. The author served more like a good aunt or a confidant.

This book was necessary and timely. Peggy Orenstein brings up issues that are important but not altogether significant in comparison to the Girls and Sex book that precluded it. I specify that because the results of "toxic masculinity" seem to matter now, but the offenders are literally grandfathered in (because they are grandpas by their age), so they get away with it. The boys and young men she interviewed were not all the same. I like how she elucidates this fact, sensitively. It is balanced for the boys, not the girls. However, this is necessary to show that there are kind-hearted men that are not savages who prey on females or other males.

Nevertheless, this book was cringeworthy, as the content would be for most fair people.

r
roystreet
Feb 01, 2020

In this lucid, entertaining book, Orenstein fills page after page describing 'bro culture,' W's and L's, 'weaponized' language, and more. In person, she comes across as intelligent and with a fine sense of humor. She certainly deserves credit for calling in the fire, as it were, but she has no plan for putting it out except for pious platitudes like "We have to purposefully and repeatedly broaden the masculine repertoire of dealing with disappointment, anger, desire." Translation: "We have to fix boys." (sigh) Sorry, but the real fault lies in society's - i.e. our - contradictory and impossible demands.

Why is the "New" masculinity, so much like the "Old"? To quote the book,"... it's a mistake to underestimate the strength and durability of the cultural machinery at work on adolescent boys." So true…

Who gains from men sacrificing themselves as soldiers, police, fireman and rescue workers? From men taking on the dangerous jobs of farmer, fisherman, construction worker and sports entertainer? From men as full- and over-time workers unable to spend time with their families? From men taking responsibility for sex?

And on top of all that, now the added demand that men be 'in touch with their feelings' and 'emotionally available.'

Yet even if men do all that, they still get no credit. If society has a problem, it's their fault. "Never hold women accountable."

Boys approaching manhood understand: "Women get options, men get obligations."

So here's a better plan: Stop blaming boys. Stop making boys accountable for solving society's problems. Give boys options - real options, not the phony ones Orenstein holds out to them. Our boys will be better off and so will society.

c
ConnellyMonaghan
Jan 10, 2020

I heard the author interviewed on CBC's The Current today (January 10th) and can hardly wait to read this informative and provocative book on male sexuality.


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